So 1. I know I havent been blogging as expected of a person with a blog. My B, I gots stuff to do, stuff to tell, but still I cant make extra time in the day. 2. This whole blog is about the realizations that I come to about people and even myself.
So I’ve come to realize that I’m like a prism. I find that alot of time I let people and their moods and feelings shine through me and translate (similarly buy different) Someone could be angry or sad, and in me that would translate as agitated. Now this isn’t always bad because when people are feeling down or sad, I can read that and work help them. That’s eternally my life goal…to help people, despite what actions I may take at sometimes. It does kinda bother me that I allow myself to be SOOOO affected by people sometimes. It puts me in horrible situations and makes me feel bad…but I dont know what to do about it.
I find myself surrounded by people who love me, friends and my brothers. But nonetheless, I find myself never truly happy. And I’m always able to find something wrong, bad, or negative about myself or my surroundings or just life in general.
One could say I’m just tired of shit…an feeling like shit, which would be true, but I’m just tired. In general…
On a Brighter note, despite dealing with some set backs at Province Workshop lol I’ve been positively affected by my fellow Sinfonians.
NEW LIFE GOAL!!! I plan on becoming the National President of my fraternity, Phi Mu Alpha. People with poor intentions bother me. And if they let their horrible intentions run them…….then I cant respect them. And at times it seems like I am surrounded by the such.
Essentially, all I want to do is be happy. Who doesn’t? If you dont….then you’re lying. Dont do me. ANOTHER POINT comes up when thinking about that previous statement….I dont like being analyzed.
It seems that by the people I’m closest with, such happens very frequently. Why does the world always have to wonder? (though that may seem ironic, especially since I’m wondering and pondering on the concept itself.) Why do people feel compelled to always want to know everything about everyone and never tell anyone anything about themselves? I’ll admit, I do some of the presented, but not at a great extreme and I do it only to my friends because I car for them. I want to know what bothers them because I feel it, and I want to assuage their issues for them. I’m a martyr…at times. Why am I always getting analyzed. Besides feeling unworthy of being studied, it bothers me because I dont feel like some people deserve to know me, to understand me. Does that seem conceited? Well, who has 2 thumbs and doesnt care. “In My Mind” I think its rude to analyze people. I’m fine without it because I find myself being stressed and confused many times when I try to analyze people. My life would be and is SOOOOOOO less complicated and stressed when the looking into of others, especially without them knowing. I feel like its breaking down the doors of a person and waltzing your way into their inner self without permission.
That’s my soap box. And I just wanna leave this with a word from my inner self, the kid who sits and plays by himself wishing for friends or just nice people to be around…and as I typed that, I forgot what I was to write. So………
People are as fragile as they seem like they aren’t. And everyone should begin everyday with a goal, a plan, and a fitting attitude to get all of it done.
Signed,
The AfflictedCellist
P.S. I really like this quote: “Music lacks its power when the musician regards it not as a tool for the uplift of others, but instead as a means to his personal success and happiness.”
